“We're very proud of you son and a perfect report card; all B's!” - The Bee Movie, a random quote that's bee themed 🤡.
Every day when I arrive at school, I have in my mind one and solely one mission. Anything before it is just an obstruction in my path, an obstacle delaying me from reaching the pinnacle of the day. Tick tock, tick tock, REEEE why can’t the clock go any faster? Tick tock, tick tock, HOW IS IT ONLY SECOND BLOCK 😩
FINALLY, after 4.5 EXCRUCIATING hours, I would reach the best part of the entire school day: LUNCH. It is the single most relieving word since the existence of humanity itself. The brief period of only 35 minutes is yet the most liberating - a break from all of your classes and earthly frustrations. It is a time when you can just enjoy the lunch you carefully packed, crack jokes with your friends and lie down under the warm cozy sunsh…..
WAIT WHAT THE F*** WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
This is where we sit... Ok I guess the lunch situation isn't exactly as ideal as I depicted it to be 😩
Those wicked, miserable, pathetic little creatures!!! They wander aimlessly in the air, surrounding and cornering you in a tango of death. Every minute, every second, you can feel their menace pierce through the air and straight into your tender flesh.
Don’t talk to me about their contribution to preventing global starvation by pollinating food crops, I HATED THEM. Every time, my friends and I would lay down our bags and enjoy our meal. But OF COURSE, the bees would instantly emerge out of absolutely nowhere and try to dive into our food. You can’t even swat them away because their IQ is so low that they would think you’re trying to attack them and thus stinge you, even when that literally kills them.
Over the months, we devised several strategies in avoiding them. We would pretend they don’t exist, but then they just ignore you and land inside your lunchbox anyway. We would relocate every time the bee army arrives, but more bees just emerge elsewhere 😭. No matter what we do, the reckless bees will always outsmart us.
Eventually, we just gave up on solving the bee problem: it’s just impossible. Until one day, one of my friends left a cup of apple sauce open, and wouldn’t you know it, the bees LOVED it. All of them gave up on harassing our food and redirected their attention to that apple sauce. It proves to be their honey trap, their Achilles’ heel, the holy grail of sweetness. They do it in a rather peculiar fashion as well: they would suck the apple sauce for a couple of seconds, stop and fly in weird orbitals for several rounds, and then resume sucking.
And if you drop your fear of bees for just one moment and look very very closely, you will see that they’re TWERKING?! 🤡
Yep, you aren’t imagining it. There they are, these little terrorists, who were just mugging you, are shaking their tiny striped butts back and forth, stripping for that sweet, delicious, irresistible applesauce.
Normally I would end my blogs on some profound revelations or a message of positivity, but I’m not quite sure how I can for this post 🤡.
I guess if I have to, it would be that “Nothing is impossible when you bribe your enemy hard enough, not even twerking.”
Thanks for reading :D
Feel free to drop a comment on your encounters with bees 🤣