I stare at my computer's clock as the seconds digit slowly increases. Little by little, it flickers by with neither rest nor care. From 3 to 4, from 8 to 9, cold and calculated, not tolerating even the most minuscule delay. Before I know, it’s already 10:44 PM.

How did I get here? I finished lunch by 8 PM, so that means almost 3 hours have passed. Yet somehow I don’t recall doing anything significant in those 3 hours. Three hours is enough time to practice three CodeForces problems, get through an entire unit for APUSH on Khan Academy, and finish writing the research report I have been pushing off for days. A bacteria could have replicated to its 12th generation by now, producing 2^12 = 4096 offsprings in the race of evolution, but I have done, ... nothing?

How could that be? How could I so shamelessly and carelessly squander one hundred and eighty precious minutes when there is so much more to do? Even now, as I finally recognize my grave mistake, I am still choosing to write this essay instead of work.

I am trapped in this prison forged by myself, unable to move forward, unable to breathe. Even this very essay is a result of my entrapment as I desperately search for an answer, hoping to grasp on some explanation that I can seek solace in. Perhaps these three hours weren’t so important after all. Maybe, just maybe, there is a valid reason why it’s okay I did nothing!

But I see nothing. The clock just continues to tick as I remain stagnant on my seat.

One second, two seconds, and three seconds.

Why did I fritter my night away?

Seven seconds, eight seconds, and nine seconds.

Could there be a happy ending at the end of this essay?

CodeTiger
2021.8.4